My name is Michael Appiah-Duku. I’m a Ghanaian and live in Ghana in West Africa. I just finished reading your story which broke my heart, to say the least, yet didn’t find it shocking because in my country, it’s commonplace to find children of staunch Christians being wayward. In fact, people anticipate children of pastors or church elders to be bad.
I am myself the son of a pastor. I had to deal with an even stricter upbringing. But I must say it was your dad and his incredible site that really made much sense of Christianity to me while growing up and I’m ever grateful to God for that. And now that I’m old and with the benefit of hindsight, I’m grateful to God for a strict parent who obeyed God’s clear admonishing to “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Pro. 22:6
This is what I have come to learn (and I am still learning and boy is there tons I got to know. I totally agree with Paul when he says “Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!” Rom.11:33) that God is the only one who is all-knowing. If humans too were all-knowing, then we too will be God. But we’re not. Therefore, it isn’t prudent to want all the answers to all of life’s questions before you decide to believe. Then where is the element of mystery? Where is the trust? After all, He has said “The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.” Deut.29:29. We are not to know everything. What God in his sovereignty has revealed to us should suffice!
One thing we also know as Christians is that God is good. Therefore, we can boldly assert that all that he permits to come our way must be for a good purpose though I admit it doesn’t often feel that way especially on this side of eternity. And that is fine because we’re finite. He is infinite! So it is all the more prudent to trust his judgment because he knows the end from the very beginning and he’s assured us that it’s good. Therefore we are hopeful. Jer.29:11.
And as for what you’re calling freedom, I think it’s just a chasing after the wind. You’re only allowing your natural (sinful) self to have its way. No restrictions. No self control. And I’m sure it’s must be exhilarating to be acting all happy-go-lucky but it’s just tantalizing because in the end it only leads to utter despair. If you wouldn’t even trust an African in some third world on his prognosis, I’ll encourage you to at least consider the words of someone who is touted by many as ‘the wisest man that ever lived.’ He did it all and tried and it all yet found hedonism utterly unfulfilling and pointless and in his despondence bellowed “Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities! All is vanity.” Eccl.1:2. I sincerely hope you’ll glean lessons from this wise man and repent. Do not wait till you suffer the same fate to grasp the lessons he learnt.
Well, as for me, I can only wish you well and pray that hat God will do for you what he did for Lydia: He opened her heart so that she gave heed to what Paul said (Acts 16:14). I do however admire your honesty and I believe it’s the first step towards repentance when you realized you truly didn’t believe.
May God be with you Rachel!
Soli Deo Gloria!!!!
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